I'm a terrible horror movie critic. Even when I know the movie is terrible, the acting/actors are bad, the story is cliched, dialogue unnecessary I still think it's a good horror movie as it managed to make me jump.Every red herring still makes me want to hide my face in my pillow. Why? Who knows, my dad gave me a good education in campy (and some not so) 80s horror classics like the Howling, Nightmare on Elm Street, the original Prom Night and An American Werewolf in London when I was in high school so I would have assumed I would be immune to the devices the films use to scare us silly.
Instead I am a wimp and Valentine still made me jump. Instead of taking the high road and having a look at the classic horror movies I want to look at those corny, usually kind of crappy movies that still nonetheless can give me the heebie jeebies. Insults are expected.
Released in 2001 and I'd suspect cashing on on a bit of the Angel fame David Boreanaz had at the time ("He's no angel, but he's not a killer!) Valentine had it's moments.
It opens with a flashback scene where a young boy (Jeremy) at a valentine's dance is asking a few pretty girls to dance with me, and getting knocked back each time. These girls are: Paige, Kate (the only nice one), Lilly, and Shelley. Dorothy, a chubby girl agrees to dance with him and then we later see them kissing. Some other boys also catch them, and then because Dorothy is embarrassed she pretends that Jeremy forced her to kiss him (how very Jessica Wakefield!) and the boys proceed to beat the shit out of Jeremy, with apparently no teachers noticing.
Fast forward about 13 years and the girls who rejected Jeremy are getting killed off one by one by someone in a creepy cherub mask.
The cast of girls consists of Denise Richards (why oh why is she cast in films, she plays the same characters consistently badly), Marley Shelton, Jessica Cauffiel, Jessica Capshaw and Katherine Heigl who dies within the first 15 minutes. They're all serviceable apart from the annoying Richards.
Things that annoyed me about this film: the lame installation type 'art' Lilly's boyfriend produced and the techno music in this part and during the valentine's day party. I hate that kind of music. Maybe that's just me but it turned me off.
Denise Richard's whole part in the film and in particular the part where the detective hits on her. Can I find another word meaning lame?
The random people that got killed. The maid, why? The girl in the sauna, who was she? Our rented DVD skipped at that point so I have no idea of the context of that murder.
Things I didn't hate about this movie: Marley Shelton (Kate) and Jessica Capshaw (Dorothy)were okay, I emphasized a bit with Dorothy and I quite like her as an actress.
I did jump during a few scenes, in particular the scene where Katherine Heigl was murdered, so it did manage to scare me. Granted it may have had something to do with the huge projector screen we were watching it on and the fact as I mentioned before, I am something of a scaredy cat.
The twist wasn't too bad, I mean not up there with The Usual Suspects or anything but I didn't hate it.
Overall an okay film with some bad dialogue at times and some pretty average killings.
In other slightly embarrassing news I also watched 17 Again on the weekend and didn't hate that either. I must be growing soft in my old age. Also in other 'I'm getting soft' news the kitten I have been fostering, who we have nicknamed Gizmo due to his likeness to a mogwoi is up on the adoption webpage and I've gotten a little teary. Sigh.
